Sunday, September 15, 2013

All the Little Things

When it comes to relationships, it is, of course, about the big things.  Intelligence, integrity, humor--without such things, there is no basis for a meaningful relationship to take hold.  With the big things squarely in place, it is lovely to bask in the little things.

I spent two days this week in New York City for work.  More specifically, I spent two days shepherding thirty-five college students around the city to visit accounting and finance firms.  I wore a suit (which I loathe) in 85-degree weather, I listened to wealth managers and risk managers and stock brokers talk about what it takes to make it in the industry. 

I arrived home at 11:30 on Friday night to a smiling partner, a glass of wine, and these:



Not only did they brighten my evening, they make me smile as I sit at the dining room table writing.  They are just the right thing after a few days of not nearly enough soft-and-pretty stuff. 

And what's more?  If you look very closely, you might detect my honey in the background, doing the dishes.  I made breakfast today, so she does the dishes.  She also got up early to walk the dog so I could sleep late.

Yes, I'm feeling a little spoiled this weekend.  Yes, I'm feeling a little smug.  It's nice to revel in being tended. 

It's more than that, though.  I used to think the little things were important because they added up, and that is true.  I've decided they are really important because they tell us our partner gets us.  They tell us that she is paying attention.  They are her way of giving us exactly what we need even when we don't have the wherewithal to know what those needs are. 

I spent a lot of my life trying to let the little things go.  I convinced myself, as a child and as an adult, that if a family member/friend/partner was smart/kind/funny, that was all that mattered.  Demanding more seemed so, well, demanding. 

It took being with someone who does all the little things to understand the difference.  The little things, and they're different for every person, but they matter.  Perhaps, they matter most of all.


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