Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I'm Not the Problem

I wanted to call this post "I'm Not the Crazy One," but I'm going to try to refrain from tossing around DSM diagnoses that I am not qualified to make, so "problem" seems more appropriate.

Are there people in your life that have the uncanny ability to make your doubt yourself?  I mean doubt how you see yourself in the world, how the world operates, good and bad, right and wrong.  I mean individuals who aren't bad people but who are so entrenched in their own world view that spending time with them makes you start to wonder if your own sense of the universe is somehow askew.

There are a few such people in my life.  They are people I love and care about and respect (at least on some levels).  I suppose that's the rub.  If they were completely antithetical to everything I stand for, it would be easy to maintain boundaries, to see them as other.  These people, on the other hand, share enough commonalities that it is easy to accept as valid/true/real feedback that can be deeply undermining. 

I spent lots of time with my therapist figuring out ways to resist these forces. As one who errs on the side of conflict avoidant, arguing the point is not an option I care to pursue unless necessary.  I had to create (literally) a mental reminder system so that I wasn't swept up in the rhetoric.  It is unlikely that, as she so adeptly phrased it, I have everyone else I know/trust/respect snowed.

Am I being too vague?  Perhaps.  But I'm guessing if it's happened to you, you know what I mean.  And I'm here today to tell you that even in the spirit of openness and growth and self awareness, the criticism is bogus.  So take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are not the problem. 

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